I printed an extremely large document on Earth Day. I’m not talking a 10, 15, or a 25 page document. It’s up there in the neighborhood of 50 pages – and five people needed to review copies of it. This pains me. Immensely.
It turns out that I’m not the only one who committed unearthly crimes this week.
“I was using a paper towel yesterday and started feeling sheepish,” said one friend. And another: “I did a few loads of laundry. I was trying not to use to much energy, but….”
The good news? At least we’re paying attention. And, whenever possible, Earth Day or otherwise, we’re making smarter choices.
In the meantime, special thanks to Claire for saying ten Hail Mary’s for me.
Have simple suggestions for how I can make good with Planet Earth? I’m all ears.
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Tags: Earth Day, Just for Fun, Tales from the Office
There’s one more star in the sky
As of July 2, 2008, there’s one more star in the sky. That was the day my mom lost her most recent battle and consequently, her 22-year war against breast cancer.
Independence Day takes on a new meaning to me now – it marks my mom’s freedom from suffering. We all feel a sense of relief in knowing that she has no more sore bones, does not need oxygen, can breath without gasping and walk without neuropathy. She’s retired her walker, grabber, wheelchair and her titanium hip. Her medi-port is gonzo, she’s not popping pills or being poked and prodded with needles.
Even better, she’s in good company in heaven, where I’m sure she’s been socializing with people and a few pets she adores. I’d like to believe that the first thing that she did was go to a “real lunch” with her dear “chemo friend” Elizabeth the way two healthy women do. If my mom got a vote, I’m sure they’re at Chili’s. And, I’m sure that my friend (Officer) Jeff Fontana is on her detail. I’m green with envy that she can give him the hug that I’ve so longed to give him for the last seven years.
While my mom’s entire journey was prolonged, painful and scary, her final few hours were peaceful and comfortable. My dad, sister and I were with her, supporting her and one another as she always hoped we would. Now the journey is ours to continue as we all try to find our footing again. She wanted that for us and always hated knowing how profoundly her cancer hurt all of us. So while our grieving continues, we have started to heal.
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Tags: 2008, Breast Cancer, Cancer, Cancer Sucks, Mom, Wicked Witch of the Breast
The Wicked Witch of the Breast
Twenty plus years ago, the Wicked Witch of the Breast paid the first of three visits to the McIntyre household.
At age 44, my mom (ironically, her name is Dorothy) was diagnosed with breast cancer — the same disease that killed her mother (the grandmother I never knew) when my mom was only 21. My mom’s cancer was invasive, but the tumor was very small. Shortly after being diagnosed, she successfully underwent surgery and radiation treatment.
Twelve years later, the Wicked Witch unleashed the Winged Monkeys on my mom, who was diagnosed with a totally different form of breast cancer that accounts for only 10 percent of breast cancer cases. She found herself staring down the scalpel of a double mastectomy and intensive chemotherapy. The Wicked Bitch was no match for my mom, who, in spite of all odds against her, completed her treatment and lived for seven years cancer free.
Then came the poision poppies. In 2004, we learned that my mom’s cancer had recurred in her bones. Even with the help of the Wizard of Oz (a.k.a. Dr. Steve Scates), my mom will never escape the clutches of the Wicked Witch, as the cancer in her bones can not be surgically removed.
It’s been four years since my mom was diagnosed the third time. Inside the four walls of my mom’s oncologist’s offices lie cabinets full of thick folders that tell the grim story of her unending battle with cancer. Four oncologists, two radiologists, three psychologists, an orthopedic surgeon, a physical therapist, six hospitalizations and countless medical treatments later, she continues to fight the good fight.
Here’s to you, mom. And the many others like you who are battling to hold on to their ruby slippers.
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Tags: 2008, Breast Cancer, Cancer, Cancer Sucks, Wicked Witch of the Breast
What a gas!
I have written many a headline, press release, product description and pitch. In my ten years doing public relations, I had yet to commit the grand daddy of PR blunders, though. Alas, there’s a first time for everything. I learned the hard way that typos are a real stinker.
PR professionals (a.k.a. flacks, spin doctresses, etc.), live by Merriam-Webster and the AP Stylebook, but even with spell checks and balances in place, there are some typos that can outsmart even the most diligent editor. Outlook users beware: spell check is no match for symbols typed in the subject line of an email.
At the time I was working for a gaming company. On this particular day, I had spent most of it doing the press release shuffle, including tug of war over messaging, incorporating revisions, writing quotes, re-writing headlines, gaining buy off and securing approvals. It took forever. After all, the press release shuffle is a multi-player game with about fifteen people. As the day progressed, my blood pressure began to rise. The European release had already been issued that morning, but due to a messaging snag I was still making edits as the European release circulated. Finally, at 5:00 p.m. the U.S. release was ready to go out..
I copied and pasted the body of my release into the body of an email. I then copied and pasted the headline into the subject line and completed the process by pulling up my distribution list of approximately 500 journalists. I fired it off. “XXX Attacks the Action-Horror Genre with Cold Fear ™” had crossed the wire. I was elated—there is indeed an “end” in “send.”
As is often the case, journalists began to reply to thank me for sharing the information. It was then I learned the power of the symbol. The “TM” was nowhere to be found. Email after email came back with a different subject than the one I had pasted into the subject line. Much to my horror, they read “XXX Attacks the Action-Horror Genre with Cold Feart.” Seconds later it occurred to me that I’d just announced a video game about a cold fart.
And so goes my story of the embarrassing typo. I only wish I’d stayed through the product launch. Given the game’s nautical theme, I would have proposed a press event on a poop deck. I’m certain it would have been a gas.
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Trash talk
The subject of the e-mail read “Where’s my freakin’ garbage can?”
A coworker honestly believed that one of the people on our team had taken his garbage can. It was beyond me why he e-mailed us, as though we took it, instead of just asking for a new one.
“Funny you should mention it,” I thought to myself. “We’d been eyeballing it all week.”
Then I got to thinking–that must be one HOT trash can. What was special about his can? Does it make coffee? Respond to e-mails? Perhaps it can crank out a mean PR plan. Was it a family heirloom that had great sentimental value? A good luck charm? Some carry a rabbit’s foot. Others, a four leaf clover. Perhaps my friend’s efforts to find a wishbone fell short, so he settled on a trash can. Or, did it boil down to the trash itself? Maybe, like Oscar, he had a trash fetish. I had to know.
Furthermore, did he truly have this much time on his hands? Or did I, given that I was exerting so much energy trying to figure out what made this trash can so special.
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Look out Bridget. I’m hot on your heels.
A seasoned dater, I have 15 plus years of experience, beginning with my first kiss in 1986. If you count a second grade crush, I’m at 25 years and counting. Enter my Bridget Jones life.
I’d be rich if I had a nickel for the number of times I’ve heard “I can’t believe you’re still single.” I’ve gone out with friends of friends, family friends and on blind dates. I’ve tried Match.com and dating services.
Great Expectations—an organization that pairs up sexy singles—has been spamming me for four years. Even they know I’m a spinster. I’m considering their man shopping services because I haven’t yet found an outlet mall that offers brand-name men at discount prices.
Among my Adam’s Family cast of characters are:
- Pig in a blanket, a handsome guy that wandered around the house naked, wrapped in a pink quilt
- The rock star was on my flight to Vancouver. An unlikely pair, I was a typical sorority girl with blonde highlights, a hip haircut neatly shaped brows, and wearing overpriced jeans. He was alternative, had greasy hair and wore cords and a dirty t-shirt
- Pro athletes—the first was a soft-spoken, thoughtful, football player. The second was a mere crush on an up and coming soccer star ten years my junior
I’ve barked up the wrong tree at times and I’ve had lots of dirty dogs bark up mine. But for every Mr. Dead Wrong I’ve dated, I have a mama’s boy, nice guy, nerd and boy-next-door to match.
My frog-to-prince ratio is lopsided on the frog side, so my number should be up soon.
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Talk nerdy to me
A friend and former coworker forwarded me this note, which an IT employee sent to staff at my previous employer regarding a technical issue — “technical” being a technical term. The humor in this lies in the VERY detailed information, which was sent to–for all intents and purposes–the PR, marketing, sales, and creative services departments. It brings to mind Phil Hartman as Cirroc, the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer:
“Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: ‘Did little demons get inside and type it?’ I don’t know! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts.”
Upon reading this e-mail, I wondered if any of my friends there read this and thought: “Mister network administrator, we’re just marketing people. We don’t understand your range of IP addresses, ipconfig /renew, or your 10.15.x.x address space…”
Read on to view the note (bold), with my commentary interspersed (italics).
250-3rd floor employees, we have used up the entire range of IP addresses in several of our quadrants.
READER’S NOTE: Erm, you lost me after “250-3rd floor employees.”
In order to fix this issue, we need to configure each quadrant’s network switch to a new address space and adjust the DHCP scope accordingly. We have already switched over one quadrant in 250-1st floor and the entire 4th floor without any problems. This conversion will require about 20 minutes of downtime for all network devices (all PCs) within the quadrant. We would like to perform this work this Wednesday morning (6/29/05) at 7AM. Few important things to note: * If you have a hub or switch in your cube, you’ll need to either reboot your devices (or do a “ipconfig /release”, then “ipconfig /renew” from a dos prompt) in order to get the new IP address. If your network cable is plugged directly into the wall jack, you won’t need to worry about doing that, you’ll get the IP automatically. * If you have a static IP, you will need to reply to me ONLY and provide me with your machine name. Static IPs are VERY uncommon within our site. If you’re not sure whether you have a static IP or not, then you don’t have one. * Starting morning we will be changing over all the printers on the 3rd floor to the new IPs. This will only require a few moments of downtime per printer, and any print jobs will queue up and still print within a couple minutes. Thank you very much for your cooperation.
READER’S NOTE: Pleasure.
P.S. You could have saved yourself the key strokes and the 45-minutes that it took to type this by summarizing. I extracted a sentence from the paragraph above. Does this cover it? “This conversion will require about 20 minutes of downtime for all network devices (all PCs) within the quadrant. We would like to perform this work this Wednesday morning (6/29/05) at 7AM.”
P.P.S. No one knows what a static IP is in the first place so this doesn’t help much — “static IPs are very uncommon within our site. If you’re not sure whether you have a static IP or not, then you don’t have one.” Please advise.
P.P.P. S. What is DHCP? Please advise.
Thank you very much for your cooperation. For those that are interested, there are some additional FAQ/tech notes below.
READER’S NOTE: Gladly. I can’t help but ask…are the questions below REALLY frequently asked? No one knows what any of this means. For this reason, I’m unclear as to why WTF isn’t on the list of FAQs.
Why do I have to reboot or release/renew if I have a hub?
In order to force all the machines to renew their IP, we are power cycling the main switch once the change is made. This forces each client network device to lose its network connection. Once the connection comes back up, the device will then try to pull a new IP address. If you have a hub/switch in your cube, your client devices will never lose their link, and therefore never get the new IP automatically.
READER’S NOTE: Still not catching on…..
Why did we run out of IPs? Didn’t we plan for growth?
When this building was constructed, we did indeed plan for growth. At the time, it seemed that 512 addresses per quadrant (2048 per floor) was going to be way more than sufficient. We had less than 100 cubes/conf rooms per Quadrant, so even with 4 devices per cube, we had more than enough. What was not planned for was console dev devices that take 2 IP addresses for each dev kit. This has really thrown us over the top. The new address space, though currently only 1024 addresses per quadrant, will also be expandable quite easily to include additional addresses within the 10.15.x.x range.
READER’S NOTE: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
I have a static IP, how is this change going to work for me?
For desktop systems, we’re going with a slightly different method for statics. You will get an address through DHCP that will be reserved for your device. This is done through the Mac address of the NIC on your system. We can find your MAC address from your device name. On Friday morning (or Thursday night before you leave), you will need to turn off your static IP and set your client back to DHCP. Once you grab a 10.15.x.x address on Friday morning, that’s your dedicated address for that machine from now on.
READER’S NOTE: Again, I must ask, how did these questions make the FAQ?
What is the new address space?
We are switching to 10.15.x.x address space. The full ranges for each quadrant are below:
1st floor, quadrant A: 10.15.64.0 – 10.15.67.254
1st floor, quadrant B: 10.15.68.0 – 10.15.71.254
1st floor, quadrant C: 10.15.72.0 – 10.15.75.254
1st floor, quadrant D: 10.15.76.0 – 10.15.79.254
2nd floor, quadrant A: 10.15.80.0 – 10.15.83.254
2nd floor, quadrant B: 10.15.84.0 – 10.15.87.254
2nd floor, quadrant C: 10.15.88.0 – 10.15.91.254
2nd floor, quadrant D: 10.15.92.0 – 10.15.95.254
3rd floor, quadrant A: 10.15.96.0 – 10.15.99.254
3rd floor, quadrant B: 10.15.100.0 – 10.15.103.254
3rd floor, quadrant C: 10.15.104.0 – 10.15.107.254
3rd floor, quadrant D: 10.15.108.0 – 10.15.111.254
4th floor, quadrant A: 10.15.112.0 – 10.15.115.254
4th floor, quadrant B: 10.15.116.0 – 10.15.119.254
4th floor, quadrant C: 10.15.120.0 – 10.15.123.254
4th floor, quadrant D: 10.15.124.0 – 10.15.127.254
READER’S NOTE: WAIT A MINUTE, THIS BUILDING HAS QUADRANTS? BRILLIANT!!! Why didn’t someone send an e-mail to tell the staff about THOSE? Even the maps don’t show quadrants. I used a pencil to mark my tracks for years. Can you draw a new map while everyone’s grabbing 10.15.x.x. addresses and e-mail it out once you’re through? Thanks.
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Death by distribution list
At 10:11 a.m., a co-worker sent out an e-mail with an innocent question:
“What is the URL to make changes to my Schwab 401(k)? It’s been so long, I forgot”
What followed was a series of ‘friendly fire,’ as I’ll call it, or spam from within your network of coworkers or friends. Between 10:11 a.m. when the first e-mail arrived and 10:27 a.m. when I received the last of them, I had received over 50 e-mails in my inbox related to this string.
You can’t fault the guy for asking, nor can you can you shame him for sending his question via e-mail. No, it wasn’t so much what or how he asked, but rather who he asked. The note was sent to 401kcommunication@XXX.com, which as it turns out, is a distribution list with upwards of 3,000 employees who participated in the company’s 401(k) plan. This distribution list was not exactly the small HR distribution list of people that he believed it to be.
“Now” was a company value. Dutiful employees that we were, a handful of employees took immediate action, replying to all to let the original sender know that plan information was available at schwabplan.com. Let’s break down the responses and view the highlights from that 16 minutes of distribution list fun:
Replied to All with URL for Sender: 5
“…and if none of these suggestions work, try schwabplan.com”
Replied to All, Requesting Removal from Distribution List: 23
“…not sure how I got on this distribution list, but anyone know who owns it so I can be removed?”
Replied to All, Requesting That Employees Stop Replying to All: 16
“…please note that replying to all, you are contributing to the spam. If a question is asked, please respond to THAT person only.”
Replied to All TWICE, Requesting That Employees Stop Replying to All: 1
“…OK everyone. This is getting TOTALLY out of control. Please do not reply to this thread again. Please contact your IT group to be removed. You do not need to notify everyone.”
Replied to All, Threatening Those Replying to All: 1
“…please stop now before I punch someone in the face.”
Replied to All Regarding Reply to All Etiquette: 5
“…In an effort to reduce e-mail spam, follow the following order protocol:”
1) e-mail someone at your studio
2) e-mail a group at your studio
3) e-mail your studio
4) e-mail everyone
Replied to All, Suggesting “Unsubscribers” Contact Help Desk Rather Than Reply to All: 5
“…Can you all just send a note to the help desk and ask to be removed and not spam everyone in the company!”
Replied to All in All Caps, Demanding That Employees Stop Replying to All: 2
“…SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUP UP!!!!! HELPDESK E-MAIL ONLY!!! “
Replied to All with a Font Size of 40 to Request That Employees Stop Replying to All: 1
“…PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO ALL THESE E-MAILS”
Replied to All Off Topic To Make Fun of Those Who Replied to All: 1
“…Soooooooooooooooo. Who likes lime Jello?”
Replied to All with a Picture of a Grenade, Directed at Repliers to All: 1
Replied to All with a Picture of a Mushroom Cloud, Directed at Repliers to All: 1
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